Once upon a time...

Ah, those famous four words that mark the beginning of history's greatest stories.  Of course, I don't recall those words being used at the beginning of "The Lion King", which happens to be one of my favorite stories.  I always thought it was a good movie, but I think some of the underlying themes can really resonate with guys raising little boys.  I guess you could say it's a well known story that, for dads, becomes new again because of the prospective that fatherhood brings.  As a kids movie, it's only appropriate that most see it from the prospective of Simba, whose coming-of-age story is the crux of the film.  But I think dads have an easier time identifying with Mufasa.  With his deep and authoritative voice (James Earl Jones, need I say more?), Mufasa was a source of guidance and discipline for his young cub.  He was Simba's teacher, his role model and his friend.  But I think, more than anything else, Mufasa was Simba's hero.  We know this because Mufasa's influence in Simba's life is around long after he is gone.  Since the day my son was born, I decided that I wanted to be his hero.  Little did I know how this simple idea would shape my entire way of thinking as I moved through heartbreak, acceptance and ultimate resurgence in the face of my divorce.


Divorce is a complicated and emotional matter.  Factor in children, and that complication is compounded.  With very young children, it's compounded by a factor of ten.  This is the one and only time I plan to discuss anything related to the divorce itself, and I'm doing so for two reasons.  It will explain how I got to this point in my life and it will provide some context around the growth process I've experienced since I became a single father.  My ex-wife had an affair, the details of which are not important.  What is important is that it brought to light the fact that she and I had drifted apart.  While her affair was ultimately the reason we split, I am not without fault.  Like many marriages, ours had fallen into a state of complacency.  I was a good husband, but in hindsight there are things I could have done better.  There always are I think.  After the smoke cleared and the divorce was well underway, I decided to use the experience as a growth opportunity.  And that starts with accepting some responsibility for the failed marriage.  In doing so, I learned more about myself than I ever thought would be possible.  I learned that I'm stronger then I ever thought I could be.  I learned what true friendship really means.  I learned what it means to be humbled.  I learned that I don't have to be perfect.  I learned that, even though I doubt myself sometimes, I am a good man and that I will make the right decisions when my back is against the wall.  Most importantly, I learned I'm a great father and that it is possible to love someone so much that you would lay down your own life for them.


Shortly after my separation, I decided to pick myself up, dust myself off and embrace my new life as my son's hero.  I forgave my ex for her mistakes, and accepted my own for what they were.  Doing so provided a sense of clarity that simply wouldn't have been possible otherwise.  And that clarity has been the catalyst for the healing and growth I've experienced both as a man and as a father. 


My successive posts will be about my life as a single dad and how, even in the face of adversity, staying positive and focusing on a future full of hope can provide all my son and I need to move forward.